Weekend of realization

I realize it shouldn't have been a hard decision for me whether to come home for Easter or stay in Murfreesboro. True, if I had stayed in Murfreesboro I would've been with a couple of friends and my boyfriend. However, I didn't realize how much I needed to take a good look in the mirror and see how much my family means to me.
I went to the Saturday night Easter service at First Christian Church of Johnson City, the church I am part of, last night. I had never felt so alone despite the hundreds of people around me in the sanctuary. I've been in college for almost two years now, and I just now realized that church used to be a routine for me. I knew that I would get up on Sunday mornings and go to the 11 o'clock service with my family. It was a given, and I never appreciated it. I never appreciated the freedom that I have to worship my God, that not surprisingly, I have drifted far away from this year.
My church has been doing a lot of construction over the past few years to make our church larger and so much more beautiful than anyone could imagine. I looked around last night at the changes and realized that I grew up in that church, and I've changed a lot too. I looked around during the service and saw children that had grow up so much since I had left for college two years prior. It was amazing to see all the changes.
I know one of the reasons that I'm still unhappy despite the medications I'm on: I've gone astray from the road I loved and cherished. That road is the path God laid out for me. I haven't stopped loving Him, but I've gone so far away from that path that it feels awkward to pray silently by myself.
I'm leading myself back to that path that I loved and worshiped in the name of Christ. I need it.